My Sweet Baby
My sweet baby, I wanted you. I told the father, my husband, I was pregnant and he said “get rid of it”. I was confused. I loved him. We had dated for very close to a year before we were married. You were 4 weeks old. I couldn’t understand where that came from. I kept going through the motions of getting an abortion, thinking he will stop me at this point and that point. I thought when he has to pay for the “procedure” he’ll stop me, but he didn’t. I was on the table and started to choke and cry when they put me to sleep. When I woke up it was over, it was to late. I have suffered everyday since. You would be 39 years old. I miss you. I was unable to have children after, I felt that was my just punishment after killing you and not leaving him to save your life. We adopted a 3 year old girl 12 years ago, she is disabled, no one can replace you but I love her more that life itself. I wish I had known how precious life was before you were conceived. I would have made the choice not to get pregnant so I wouldn’t have to make that awful choice between you and him. I made the choice by going along. I regret that choice and have repented that choice. And hope when we meet in heaven,( it has taken me along time to forgive myself so that I could realize Jesus could and would save my soul for messing up so bad in the flesh), that you can forgive me for denying you life. Please forgive me.