Susanna I cry for you
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: Susanna
Dear Susanna, I was 13 when I became pregnant with you. I was terrified not of being pregnant but of telling my parents. I remember riding my bike after being dropped off by a 30 year old who bought me the rest who also had sex with me. When my parents found out my mom was a wreck and my father was surprisingly supportive. My parents took me to have an abortion. After all these years I still try to call it a forced miscarriage or something that doesn’t sound as bad as abortion but that’s what it was. I remember driving up with my parents, I really had no idea what was going on I was a stupid kid. All I could think about was getting spaghetti and Bob Evans afterwords. I remember how deep is your love playing on the radio. I remember the men and women crying to God with their rosaries as we walked past. I can still see their faces. Susanna, my mom has since passed and not only do I feel responsible for her death for thinking I caused her stress which caused her cancer, I also regret not saying I wanted to keep you. I did want to keep you but I never said it. I really didn’t fathom what was happening. By that time I had been with quite a few men I wasn’t even sure who the father was. That day was the worst day of my life. I think of you all the time. You would be 20 years old now and I believe you would have been a beautiful daughter and my best friend. I cry for you all the time i.wish I would kept you. You deserved to live even if it was my life or yours. You should have been born. You were my baby that I still love so much I wish you were here. If you have a child who gets pregnant very young please sit with them and talk to them. Teach them about sex as I knew nothing. I would give anything to have my baby right now. If I died during the process then so be it. Mom I know you did your best or what you felt was right but I also feel you were embarrassed for you 13 year old to have a kid as you liked to keep up appearances. Mom I forgive you. I know y9u never forgave yourself. Please forgive yourself. I will never forgive myself for losing you Susanna. I would have dressed you in ribbon and bows. I would have painted your room with elephants. I would have maybe blessed another family with a child. Who knows. I love you Susanna. Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. 20 years of therapy and onto 20 more. Susanna you deserved to live. I am so sorry please forgive me. I think of you all the time. You were my reason. I love you Susanna .