Who can forgive?
We went to university together. One day we were waiting at the bus stop and all of a sudden the rain just started poring down with incredible force. We knew that our bus would be another 20 minutes away so we ran into the closest coffee shop. There we sat down and started talking about the plans we had after we graduate. We talked about places we would go, jobs, relationships, and family. Suddenly she started to cry.
“I will never have a happy family,” she said tears rolling down her face.
“Why not?” I could not understand.
“I have done something that nobody would ever forgive me for and would accept me,” she would not look me in the eyes as she said that.
“I don’t think it is true,” I said to her “do you want tell me what happened?”
And she did tell me. She told me how she got pregnant in high school. She told me how her parents took her to the clinic and how she had an abortion. Very often she would thing about the child that is not here and how she is responsible for it.
We talked about choices and about mistakes. We talked about forgiveness and second chances. We missed our buss and the next one too. But at the end of it all I think that she still felt unworthy of love and forgiveness.
At the time she felt stronger but she had no idea what that choice will do to her.
She said that she could not love again because she could not believe that anyone ever would love her back.
That baby does not have a chance to forgive her and she would not extend that forgiveness to herself.
She was pro choice once but now she knows better to trust herself with the choice of ending a life.