I was scared
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: Caitlynn Charlotte / Liam Craig Birth Date: October 24th-28th 2003 Abortion Date: 5th April 2003
I was distraught when I heard how gentle my dad had been with my older sister when he found out that she was pregnant. I always thought that she had got thrown out. I was scared of him finding out. But I found out later he cried, he was disappointed but he was a loving Dad. I only knew the alcoholic Dad. I was 17, working, going to college. I tried to find us a home but nowhere would help me. You would be the same age as my niece now, seeing her grow makes me think of you. Life passes, moves on. I feel so bad I don’t hate myself anymore. I managed to find peace after years of self loathing, but I want to give back that peace because you should be mourned. You deserve to be mourned. Your life ended at 12 weeks gestation and having had 4 beautiful children after you, I now know what 12 weeks meant. Your size, you were fully formed. It was such a big mistake. I am sorry if you felt it. I am sorry I did that to you. It wasn’t my Dad’s fault. I should have been brave.I should have done the right thing. Grandad is such a good bloke, he doesn’t drink anymore. He is a completely different person now. I don’t blame him. If only I could go back and give that 17 year old some support, some advice, shake her up, remind her of who she is. You never knew the love of your mummy. I hope where you went you got to feel love, that you got a chance to grow. I wish I could have given you that chance, even to be loved by another family even if it could not have been me. I wish I got a chance to love you though.