I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough
Author: Carol Baby Name: Seraphina Fuller Birth Date: November 1982 Abortion Date: April 1982
My sweet baby I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to give you life. I was a high school senior. My boyfriend was a year younger. ” I’m not ready he said, I still have school.” I said, “What about adoption?” He said, “You won’t be able to do it”
“I can’t watch you getting bigger with my child and then give it away” “If you do this I’ll break up with you.” In my mind he was my world. We were going to get married. I had left home to live with your aunt. Your grandfather had been sexually inappropriate with us. His prediction was You aren’t even going to graduate from high school. You are going to get pregnant and be on welfare” He also said if you leave now don’t ever come back.” When I decided to move out and live with your aunt she was barely scraping by. It was during this time that your father became my whole world. I figured I had no family to go back to. I couldn’t be your aunt’s responsibility indefinitely. We became intimate soon after my move. Even though we tried to be “responsible” condoms break. I was not a Christian then. I just felt I needed your Daddy to feel whole. I was a broken person. I wish I had a support system back then. Maybe if I had opened up to people I could have found someone to help. I’m sorry baby. I should have been braver, stronger. Instead I felt lost, alone, scared, and not supported. At that time Planned Parenthood didn’t discuss options. Places to go that would take care of me and you. They didn’t show ultra-sounds. Maybe things could have been different. If I was braver, stronger. Your daddy and I were together for 18 more months. I joined the military and planned a future for us that never happened. So, my fear of losing your daddy happened anyway. You have 3 grown brothers now. I have a husband. In my mind you may have been the daughter I never had. I will call you Seraphina Scott Fuller.
Darling, I hope you can forgive me. God gave me a gift. Your precious life. And I wasn’t brave enough, nor strong enough. I love you. And I hate what I did. Your Mama