To My Son, whom I did not know was 14 weeks old…….
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: nicknamed "Northern Lights" Birth Date: N/A Abortion Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2015
To My Son, whom I did not know was 14 weeks old, please accept my great pain as an apology,
please forgive me for not having been ready to be a mom, for not having had the desire, or the resources. Know I am forever changed by having seen you. And that words can’t describe how much I love you and miss you, even if you weren’t alive when I met you. The bittersweet moments I shared with you with my nose pressed against yours or your hand resting on my index finger are forever eternally a part of me. As long as I live, I will never be the same.
Nicknamed after the song by Rippingtons “Northern Lights”, I peacefully buried your body with a white fragrant sweet rose, which I kissed and asked it to transfer that kiss to you, as a symbol of my eternal love for you, that white rose hugging you with its petals for all time, and let a beautiful tree that grows to be 140 years old take root upon your burial and live beyond my own age.
Northern Lights, Please forgive my lack of thinking and planning. This should have never been brought upon you. I had no idea how big you were. Not a thousand pouring rainfalls, hundred earthquakes or river of tears I could endure and produce would come close to the searing pain in my heart from how badly I wished things had been different. I feel that the world is an unforgiving backstabbing dirty senseless place and I was unprepared to help create a good haven for you to flourish in, away from the grime of the world, however maybe if I had known how big you were, maybe I would have done things differently. Please forgive me my Son. I was so remarkably poor at planning and keeping track of things. I am forever altered by having met you. The person I used to be died with you and I am a different woman now. I love you always. I know now something I can’t put in words, and am and understand through this grief. I miss you. I love you little one.
-With Vast profound Love, Your brokenhearted Mom
P.S. your Dad would have loved you a lot too and I know he also feels bad we both were/are in adverse circumstances and unable to give you a good life when you came to us. We love you little 14 week old “Northern Lights” Son