I’m Sorry

Author: Anonymous

I’m so sorry I didn’t try harder. A year ago today, I found out I was pregnant. Today, I’d give anything to have had that baby. I was in my mid 20s. Should have been plenty old enough. But I had no money, no ambition, and even at my age was too afraid of what my mother would think. I know she would have been furious with me if I had a child. But now I know it was so wrong of me.

Not a day has passed by that I don’t think of you. I wish you were here now. So much in my life has changed, and it kills me knowing I could’ve actually given you a better, more stable life than what I thought. No one in my life believed in me. Not one person thought I could be a mother even though I know I could have. Everyone said I made the right choice. I bring it up now, and say I know I made the WRONG choice, and I regret it so deeply. Everyone always tells me it wasn’t the wrong choice and it would’ve been a bad thing. That infuriates me. You would NOT have been the wrong choice. None of these people know what it’s like to have a life inside of you one day and gone the next. It’s my biggest mistake.

I’m so sorry for what I did. My views are complicated. Honestly, I don’t think I’m a Christian. I don’t think I deserve to be a Christian after what I did. But I do hope God has mercy on me, even though I don’t deserve it. I’m so sorry I didn’t have that mercy on you, sweet baby. I’m sure you would have been incredible. I’ll always wonder about you and who you could have been.