Author: Anonymous Baby Name: Aidan Birth Date: October 2005 Abortion Date: March 2005
I made a lot of bad decisions when I was a teen. I was 17 when I got pregnant. The father was a 19 year old high school drop out who used drugs and used me. He was a liar and a manipulator. He was happy when I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. I was scared and embarrassed for myself and my family.
Part of me wanted to be a mother. Part of me was too scared to try. I wanted to graduate and go to college. During spring break I visited my sister who had already figured out I was pregnant. She called a clinic and made me an appointment. I remember crying in the shower the night before with my hand on my stomach thinking this would be the last day I was a mother. The last day I would be pregnant with this baby and my heart was breaking. When I got to the clinic they did an ultrasound. I wanted to see so badly but didn’t speak up. I wished I had. I wished I could have glimpsed you. After the procedure I felt an emptiness and pain in my womb and in my heart. The only thing I could think was, “what have I done?”
I’ve had to live the rest of my life thinking “what if”. You would be 8 years old! Your baby brother was born the same month you would have been and that makes me smile. I miss you, baby. I think about you a lot. It’s taken a long time for me to forgive myself and get past it. I still mourn the loss but always know that I love you deeply just as I love your brother. Some day we’ll meet face to face. I never want to experience a loss like this again and I never want anyone to have to go through what I went through.