Experience Changed Me

Author: My First Name
Baby Name: Schneider-Winters
Abortion Date: 2001 and 2003

Coming from a liberal background, a certain disbelief occasions the words as I place them. I want to acknowledge that my highschool/college sweetheart, were not safe when it came to intimacy. In a 2 year span, we went through three pregnancies. The first, our senior year of high school, was, I earnestly believe out of both of our hands. As she told me the day of, I’m pregnant and my parents are making me get an abortion and this is what is going to happen.” Period. The second pregnancy, we kept secret until that time passed which abortion was not an option. This was end of senior year and we were both still minors. Without question, had she told her parents, they would have ensured the babies abortion. By the grace of god, she was born, was healthy, raised in a loving home by good people. I thank God everyday for her life. The line between life and death was such a narrow margin for her. The third pregnancy came after freshman year of college. Upon taking the test with her and seeing the results, I firmly resolved we should at once leave university and start a family. She agreed. The next day I went to Hawaii for two weeks. I tried calling my ex every day multiple times a day. I was fraught with worry for her and the delicate condition she was in. She ghosted me for a month. She lived in a different city while at university and aside from the phone (i must have called hundreds of times) there was no way to easily visit. Therefore, I concluded the text must have been a “false-positive,” she was not pregnant and given our track record, was clearly breaking up with me by ghosting me. I let her go…..A year later, I was with my best friend and his girlfriend, who happened to be in the same sorority as my ex. After several hours, quite innocently, she asked me how I felt about the abortion my ex had. Immediately, I thought she was referring to our first pregnancy and answered in that context. At this point, she was confused and countered with, “I’m talking about the abortion she had this year, after she returned to campus from summer vacation. Another girl and I drove her to Seattle for the procedure. It was horrible. There was blood all over my car on the way back.” Anyone who knows me, would qualify me as incredibly easy going, laidback but not lazy, kind of guy. I have never been in physical confrontation and cannot recall the last time I raised my voice. When she told me the story, I was angry. Angrier than I had ever been prior to then or since. Ultimately, my ex is a good person. I’m sure she had her reasons and I will never know them. Time has not been kind to my psyche regarding the two babies we lost. I think of them often…what their lives would have been like. They deserved a chance. I’ll reserve judgement, as I too am a sinner but my personal anecdotes have shifted me the other end of the abortion spectrum. To each their own, but for me, I choose to honor and fight for life. 1. RIP – Baby “Schneider/Winters,” Died Fall of 2001. 2. RIP – Baby “Schneider/Winters.” Died Fall 2003. Both of you deserved so much more. I damn myself for not fighting for you.