Forever my baby you will be

Author: Anonymous
Birth Date: 28th November 2013
Abortion Date: 3rd May 2013

Hi angel, mummy here. Im so sorry. I know words cant change anything and bring you back, and no amount of tears will bring you back to me, i lost the right to have you here when i signed that consent form at the hospital. But please understand i love you so much! Your my first baby, mine and your daddys first baby. How i swallowd that tablet is beyond me, and how i layed on that bed and let the nurse do what she did is beyond me.i was young, i was so scared. Thats no excuse and i know that but please understand, when i say i will live with the guilt and shame of knowing i never stood up for you, my own tiny perfect baby, will stay with me till the day i see you at the gates of heaven.
Your daddy and i just wasnt ready for you, i know wed have coped, loads of people have a baby with not much money, wed have managed i know we would have, afterall wed have you here.
Youd be almost 6 months now, only 3 more months till youd have been in my arms and id be able to show you off to the world. Oh what id do to be able to have you here.
I remember everything, the night i fell pregnant-me and your dad havin a little drink and ordering pizza at daft o clock in the morning. The day i found out i was pregnant-sitting in the bathroom holding the stick with a big smile across my face, my hand gently resting on my tummy. The day i told your grandma about you. The day i told my mum. The first consultation at the hospital. Taking the first tablet and actually feeling ‘okay’ after. Your dad promising me hed stay with me the day i had the proceedure. The day i went into hospital. Walking out of the hospital and realising id just lost my baby. Sleeping on my own that night because your dad didnt want to be at my mums house with me.
Mostly i remember looking at my tummy in the mirror and knowinh my baby was growing in me. And talking to you at night or in the day time.
Im so sorry sweety! Mummy loves you more than words can say.