Honoring Noah

Author: Anonymous
Baby Name: Noah
Abortion Date: Dec. 1 1978

I would like to share my story in hopes of sparing any young woman heartache from choosing abortion as an option. It was the worst decision ever made for me. I found out I was pregnant shortly after I turned 17 in my Jr. year of high school. I was very scared and unsure what to do and who to confide in. I came from an adoptive family and I struggled early on with feelings of really belonging and struggled with my self worth. I never felt encouraged to have a voice or speak up for myself. I did get the courage to finally confide in my adoptive Mom only to be told by both parents I had to have an abortion. They said this was the best thing for me, and gave me no other option. The father of the baby didn’t want the responsibility. Before I knew it, my Mom had the appointment made after confirming I was indeed pregnant. I felt so scared and all alone. I wanted my baby but I felt I was given no option other than abortion. I know being a minor I wasn’t informed on the facts of abortion but I knew it was wrong in my heart. I felt like a lamb lead to slaughter. Everything was a blur that happened at the clinic. After my abortion, it was never discussed again by my parents with me, and I silently grieved alone for the loss of my baby. I became depressed. I didn’t love myself and hated myself more for allowing this to happen.My feelings of self worth was at a bottom low. I used drugs to cover my pain and was still sexually active. I wanted so much to still be loved and wanted and thought sex equaled love.I did meet someone in my senior year who eventually became my husband. He really did love me unconditionally. I was able to share my pain finally with someone who cared truly for me. I still carried much emotional pain due to my abortion for far too many years than I care to admit. It changed me completely. I struggled with forgiving my parents for the choice they made for me. Would God even forgive me? I wondered if God would ever allow me to become pregnant again, and would I be able to carry to term. God began tugging at my heart showing me his love and offering forgiveness for what I felt was unforgivable. God graciously blessed my husband and I with two beautiful children. I loved them with all my heart but I still found it hard to bond with them 100% ,shame kept making me feel like I didn’t deserve them. I didn’t realize all the things I was experiencing and struggling with, trouble bonding my children and intimacy within my marriage was due to the effects of having had an abortion. It is called post abortion stress/ syndrome or PAS. Even though I had struggles in my marriage I was married to a very good man. He stuck by my side and helped me through my pain. I still suffered in silence from my abortion for more years than I care to admit. I struggled even seeing my Heavenly Father at times in the right light because of my earthy influences. God has been gracious to me and so very patient as he tenderly removed the layers of pain I endured due to my abortion. God is beyond good to me. He has forgiven me of so much. He has shown me so much mercy. If my child had been allowed to be born he or she would be 36 this year. I feel like I missed out on the wonderful joy this child could of been to me in my life. I wonder if my parents realize they missed out on the love of a grandchild. I do feel like my child may of been a boy and I named him Noah which means “rest/ comfort. ” I did eventually go through a post abortive Bible study that brought me further healing. Every time I get to share it brings more healing. If my story can prevent just one woman from having an abortion and save a baby it will be worth it. I am now not only a mother of two but a grandmother of four. God has turned my mourning into joy and given me beauty for ashes. Please if any young woman is reading this and not sure what way to turn please go to someone who you can really trust and get the support you need to choose life for your baby even if it means putting your baby up for adoption.You are worth it, and so is your baby you are carrying. Give your baby a chance to be born. What may seem like a hardship now for you will turn into the greatest blessing if you allow God to help you. DO NOT let anyone talk you into abortion even if it is your parents. It isn’t the solution! Babies are a blessing. I so wish I had been stronger to stick up for myself and allowed my baby to have a chance at life. Abortion hurts women and ends the life of your baby. PLEASE DON’T DO IT.