I wish I could go back

Author: Anonymous
Baby Name: Timothy
Birth Date: December 1994
Abortion Date: April 1994

Dear Timothy,
I imagine that you were a boy even though there was no way to know at 10 weeks. I loved your father but I felt I was drifting with him and I needed to figure my life out. When I became pregnant I sat alone in our apartment and wondered what your soul might be feeling and if abortion was really wrong. I just didn’t know and I was so scared and didn’t feel ready to be a parent. I was heartbroken to have an unplanned pregnancy. It felt like my life as I knew it was over. I knew if I had a baby my parents would help me but I was so ashamed that I never told them. I regret that. For many years I felt good about my decision until you returned. Yes, reincarnation is real, although it doesn’t mean abortion is good. When you returned I learned how to talk to spirits and you showed me that the abortion made you so disappointed because you wanted to help your dad, that you needed us. You returned to me but not as my biological child, living across the world. I will spend the second half of my life doing what I can to repay the suffering I caused you. I’m grateful to have a second chance but now, after having children and working with children, I think of myself back then and realize that everything I thought I wanted in life – to return to school, to be unencumbered for a while longer, to feel better about myself inside – did not have to be at your expense. I love you so much now even though you live far away, I hope you know I had no idea what I was doing then. Please forgive me.