I would have loved you anyway.
Author: Amy Birth Date: Jun 13 2016 Abortion Date: Nov 10 2015
Dear little one,
Sitting here watching your brothers and sisters playing .. what a painful reminder of what was taken from me. Who would you be ? What would you look like ? How would it feel to hold you in my arms.. to love you.
The thought of keeping you was always in the front of my mind. now thoughts of the what have I done, the what if’s, the I know I would have loved you anyway, flood my mind and cloud my heart .. did I do the right thing ? There are moments when I am sure I did… I could not give you what you needed, you did not deserve me. You deserved better than what I had to offer at this time in my life.
I instinctively reach my hand and rest it on my stomach only to remember you are no longer there .. it is a moment that steals my breathe away.. to think one min you were here, your heartbeat within me, I know you had one, they made the error of telling me so during a hospital visit.. and then one min you were gone..because of my choices.
Do you know that I’m sorry ? Could you feel that ? Did you know that I loved you, because i hope you felt that to..
I broke my own heart choosing to let you go. To let you not be. I lost a peice of me in you.
My choice .. my doings ..
I’ll never know who you would have been
I’ll never know the shape of your face or the curve of your nose or your fingers around my finger. I’ll never know.
How is it that you can miss someone you’ve never met ?
I carried you with me for a period of time..
If I could go back would I ?
Knowing what I know now ..
What would I have done ?
I simply say .. I would have loved you anyway..
Follow
Jan 06, 2016 @ 22:17:51
Dear Amy,
I just read your memorial and my heart hurts for you! I can’t imagine the pain and hurt that you must be feeling. I wanted you to know that God loves you and there is nothing that you can do to yourself or anyone else including your precious baby, that can take that love of God away. He knows what happened and what was done and He still loves you. Your baby is safely in God’s tender arms and will always be. He wants you to turn to Him, He wants to love on you. I am quoting just a few verses that show how much God wants you and loves you and hurts because you are hurting. He is not holding your actions against you. He has forgiven you…now it is for you to forgive yourself. He died on the cross to forgive you and that love has and will never change. Never!
In the Bible it says that, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4
“He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.” Micah 7:19
“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” John 3:16
The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. He will not always chide, nor will he keep his anger forever. He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities. “For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:8-12
Please know that I will be praying for you! I will be praying that you will find healing and that you will be surrounded by those who love you and more than anything that you will find your Saviour God and that He will indeed wipe away every tear from your eye and will comfort your heart.
With Christ’s love,
Marilyn