I would have loved you anyway.

Author: Amy
Birth Date: Jun 13 2016
Abortion Date: Nov 10 2015

Dear little one,

Sitting here watching your brothers and sisters playing .. what a painful reminder of what was taken from me. Who would you be ? What would you look like ? How would it feel to hold you in my arms.. to love you.

The thought of keeping you was always in the front of my mind. now thoughts of the what have I done, the what if’s, the I know I would have loved you anyway, flood my mind and cloud my heart .. did I do the right thing ? There are moments when I am sure I did… I could not give you what you needed, you did not deserve me. You deserved better than what I had to offer at this time in my life.

I instinctively reach my hand and rest it on my stomach only to remember you are no longer there .. it is a moment that steals my breathe away.. to think one min you were here, your  heartbeat within me, I know you had one, they made the error of telling me so during a hospital visit.. and then one min you were gone..because of my choices.

Do you know that I’m sorry ? Could you feel that ? Did you know that I loved you, because i hope you felt that to..
I broke my own heart choosing to let you go. To let you not be. I lost a peice of me in you.

My choice .. my doings ..
I’ll never know who you would have been
I’ll never know the shape of your face or the curve of your nose or your fingers around my finger. I’ll never know.
How is it that you can miss someone you’ve never met ?

I carried you with me for a period of time..
If I could go back would I ?
Knowing what I know now ..
What would I have done ?
I simply say .. I would have loved you anyway..