If Only I Had Known…
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: A. W. Birth Date: June 2015 Abortion Date: November 2014
Little one,
I’m so sorry. I never planned for you but I never truly wanted for you to go away. I felt like I didn’t have any choice. I know I did in a way, but I felt stuck. I know I told you I loved you when I held you in my hand but it’s not enough. I wish you were still safely growing inside me. it’s been 13 days and I haven’t eaten since you left me at the fault of my own. Less than a week later, I was having a few drinks with my best friend. I told her what I did, trying not to cry. She started crying and told me that she and her husband would have raised you. She told me she can’t have children and would have taken you and given you the life I knew I wasn’t able to yet. If only I had known this a little bit sooner, you would still be with me. You’d still be growing and you would still have a future. I am so so so sorry. I’ve never regretted anything more in my life. I never wanted to do it in the first place and regretted it instantly but after I found out I could have given you to a wonderful couple and still had you in my life, I knew I would never forgive myself. I already didn’t think I ever could but was going to try and now I know I never will. I wish I could take it all back and give you the gift of life and hold you in my arms but as a full term baby who is taking it’s first breaths. I know I robbed you of everything and I had no right…if I could go back I would. I love you more than you’ll ever know. I will never get to tell you again…but I won’t ever forget you. Or forgive myself. I miss the morning sickness just because I knew it meant you were the reason.
Your heart stopped beating because of my selfish actions and mine broke as a result.
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Nov 18, 2014 @ 09:04:17
Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I want you to know you are not alone in your feelings.. There are so many of us out there that have felt and still feel the same way. I wanted to share with you that I have just recently became a leader to lead an abortion healing bible study class.. Its called Surrendering The Secret. Not sure where you are from but most Christian based pregnancy aid centers lead this study. Its a bible study to help you break free from the guilt and shame of your decision. I know it may seem like that is impossible.. But its not. I, too, have suffered through an abortion.. This class really does help. If you are interested in it. Email me! I can do Skype sessions, one on one or whatever. Please try to seek healing. God knew your decision with this baby before you did. God was not who led you to the abortion.. But he will use his goodness, forgiveness and grace to heal you and help you through. I know the grief you feel, the shame, the guilt, the anger, etc… Also know that there is a healing and a forgiveness and mercy for our decisions.. We all fall short of the glory.. But God sent his one and only son to die for ALL not some of our sins. I’m here for you and will be praying for you!!! You are worthy and deserving of his love and forgiveness