Letter to My Child
Author: Jeffery Birth Date: 1979 Abortion Date: 1978
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
In the summer of 1978, I caused a baby to be created and then agreed to the decision to get an abortion. I got the money to pay for the procedure by taking a gold coin from my Dad without him knowing. I drove three of us to the clinic, paid, waited and it was over. Only two of us left.
Dear precious Child,
It is now 31 years later. Even though I have prayed for God to forgive me and shared my story with others many times I am writing you this letter to somehow make amends, ask for your forgiveness and say how sorry I am. As I sit here thinking about what to write I am flooded with feelings – grief, shame, regret, sadness, depression, anxiety, guilt, self doubt.
I love you and have thought about you over the years from time to time. I have wondered what your name would have been. What did you look like? I believed you were a boy but I’m not sure of course, this is one of the hard parts. I will have to wonder who you are until I get to meet you one day in heaven.
The hardest part is knowing you felt great pain the moment when they killed you in your mother’s womb. You were innocent and totally helpless. I did not protect you. I sacrificed you for my own convenience. The truth is your earthly father failed you. I let you go because I am sinful and selfish. I am the responsible one, and I take all the blame. If I had led well, been the man God wanted me to be this would not have happened.
After that terrible day I tried to go on with my life as usual. Carrying on a selfish, sinful, indulgent life possibly causing yet other abortions though I am not aware. Wow! What a confession. Knowing I was doing the act that could cause another BABY but not caring enough to know if I might have another child? I truly consider myself chief of all sinners.
So, here I am, writing you this letter. God would not let me forget you. He would not let me erase the past and He has brought me to a place of brokenness. My precious child, I am truly sorry. Will you forgive me? There are no words to express how sorry I am. There is no way to turn back time and erase this mistake. I can only ask you to forgive me and hope that you do.
I wish I could know you and I wonder who you are. Maybe now the pain will go away and I will think about you often. I promise our story will be shared more here on this earth so that some other Dad may not make the same decision. I know God wants to use this for His glory and I pray He will do that now.
I am looking forward to meeting you knowing that when we meet, God will have removed all guilt and pain. We will have a joyful reunion! Praise God for His power to forgive and restore.
Lord I pray that my precious child hears me and knows my heart. I know you have loved and cared for him/her perfectly since the beginning of time. Thank you Lord. Please forgive me Lord and have mercy on me.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Aug 20, 2014 @ 17:52:27
Thank you for sharing as my best friend, also would have been a dad is going thru the same grief and I was looking and searching someone something out trying to figure out how to ease his pain.
As I read your letter, and cried for the pain I can only assume you feel I don’t think I can help him……
Dec 02, 2014 @ 06:49:26
Even though how much we miss how much we regret we cannot bring our past into our present lives. what we have left behind in our life will always be like a nightmere but its all real that we have done and how we have lived.i also did the same for which i could not save my child too but i always used to miss mi child so much. on this earth im not a good father any more but i always used to pray to god that i will see my child very soon..on this earth even though we cannot be a good father but hope to ask for forgiveness to my child and to my father in heaven .
“May good god forgive us for what we have done “
Dec 03, 2014 @ 16:59:35
I understand the pain and guilt associated with abortion, I had one when I was 16. Read my post, 16 and scared. God has forgiven you because you asked for forgiveness with a repentant heart. The devil is a liar and would have you think that you are the chief of all sinners, but that simply is not true. The devil wants you to feel worthless and unloved, but God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever should believe in him would not perish but have everlasting life. God loves you, He has forgiven this offense. It is as far as the east is from the west. Jesus took our sins with Him to the cross. They were nailed to the cross with Him so that we wouldn’t have to carry them around with us any longer. GOD LOVES YOU!!!! He loves you so very much, you are precious to Him. He calls you beloved. We have ALL sinned and He washed our sins away with the precious blood of His own Son. We are now white as snow and our offenses are forgotten. Forgive yourself and know that you will be reunited with your child in heaven. Revelation 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” God is a god of grace and mercy not of brokenness. He makes beauty from the ashes. Mercy is God not punishing us as our sins deserve, and grace is God blessing us despite the fact that we do not deserve it. Mercy is deliverance from judgment. Grace is extending kindness to the unworthy. We are delivered from judgment because Jesus took that on for us, grace is extended to us daily. God knows we don’t deserve it but He lavishes it on us freely. Hold onto the promises of God, He will never fail you, nor leave you. Peace and grace to you my friend and may God bless you.
Mar 05, 2015 @ 09:18:29
Bless you for your bravery. I had a forced abortion (I let my abusive husband win). It is comforting to know that we are not alone in our struggles. The pain we carry is also heart wrenching.
Bless you for being brave and writing a letter to your sweet unborn child.
I pray in time that I will have the strength to do so .
I wish I knew in some way that my unborn child knows he/she is loved.
I love my child so much, but yet I allowed a doctor to take his/her life.
I will love my baby for the rest of my life, and pray that he/she as God has done will forgive me.
Mar 10, 2015 @ 03:53:05
My girlfriend had an abortion on the 28th of Feb, I begged her not to do it, I am a proud person being of German blood, and I was on my hands and knees crying to please just not kill my child…
I did not expect her to raise the child, I even had the contracts in place that I would take all legal and financial rights. She would be able to walk away, but no. She chose to kill.
I am sad, broken, shattered and have never felt more lonely in my life. I light a candle everyday for my murdered son, I too imagine who he would have been, what he would have become. I mourn those conversations lost. I failed him as a father and now can only hope and pray that he can forgive me and God can grant me some measure of peace.
Mar 20, 2015 @ 17:05:50
Hi Jeffrey. The father of my baby was in my home three years ago and he was sobbing for the child we aborted on March2, 1979. I had no idea how he felt. We had no contact for many years. I contacted him because I read an article in a Christian magazine that spoke about the effect of abortion on post abortive fathers.
Since that time I took several other articles for him to read and he told me that he was much better. When he told his 41 year old son about it, the son replied, “I did it ,too. I have had no contact with him since, Hopefully he has let Jesus forgive him and has forgiven himself. I pray the same for you. Your child has already done so, Here is a poem I wrote from the viewpoint of my aborted child. Maybe it will help you believe that you are forgiven,. It’s called BABY LOVE.
Don’t cry for me. I’m here with Jesus, safe in His love. Just wait ’til you get here and see what’s above. The sparkle of diamonds, the glitter of gold, the face of my Jesus I daily behold. I’m never sad. I never cry. I never ask my Jesus, “Why?” Thank you for forgiving us, Baby. A plaque with Baby Parr, March 2, 1979 has been placed on the wall at the National Memorial for the Unborn in Chattanooga, TN to honor our child. God bless you, Jeffrey.
Mar 01, 2016 @ 00:58:28
I’ve had an abortion. That can be a very traumatic experience and one that can haunt you forever. I was a single mother of three. My children’s father did not visit or support us in anyway. It was a time when I was rebelling against God because what I thought was going to be my Christian husband and family turned out to be a lie. I began dating several men and not planning to commit to anyone again. When I found myself pregnant, a girlfriend of mine immediately told me that there was no way I could have another child. She said that she would come take me to a clinic that could end the pregnancy. It all happened so fast that I don’t even remember making the decision. My friend made the appointment and drove me to the city. I remember going into a small office for a few minutes alone while my friend sat in the waiting room. A woman, who seemed rude and rushed, gave me something to read and she asked me a few questions that seemed to be statements of fact needing my approval. After signing several documents, I was taken to an examining room. I remember laying there with my feet in stirrups just like I was having a pap smear. As soon as the suction began though I felt the life being sucked from my body. It was a horrible feeling. I felt lifeless myself for the trip home and the tears began to fall. Many tears have fallen over that child since that day. As I watched my children grow up; the two girls so close in age and my son a few years younger, I often wondered if I had robbed him of a brother that would be right there pushing those hot wheels beside him. I have a history of molestation as a child and rape as a teen, but I can tell you that the haunting of taking that baby’s life is much greater than the memories of abuse perpetrated to me.
Apr 17, 2016 @ 01:11:43
I also had an abortion well I was 14 days pregnant but i didn’t want the process to continue. I went to the doctor I asked him more about terminating this child but he only told me that nothing was yet developed it was still early so I decided to do it . After doing I felt so guilty that I have killed my own innocent child . But I asked God to forgive me. I felt unforgiven . The father of the child said he wouldn’t’ve loved the child so much. It was painful to deal with it but I had no choice I kept on saying Gods versus that kept me from going on with my new life. But I love my baby even now . Thank you for sharing your story it made me feel so better.
May 26, 2016 @ 17:24:45
I have cried my eyes out as I feel the pain too. I had an abortion in 2012, and I have NOT been the same. I cry every day and night asking God to please forgive me. I can never forget my baby even though baby was 6 weeks old. I am going through trials and my mind always tells me it’s because of the abortion. I broke up with my boyfriend in 2012, one week after the abortion. In 2014, he came back to me pleaded for forgiveness and I forgave him. We started dating since then until October 2015 he said to me that he cannot see any future with me. I was dumbfounded when he went on and on. I got the shock of my life when I saw his name and his wife to be name on the list of intended civil marriages taking place tomorrow at the Aberdeen City council where I work. It is true when I met him in 2014, he was divorced and has a daughter.
The second time we came back together he was telling me that he would not want to rush into marriage based on his previous experience in the past. So is it possible to end a relationship in October 2015 and marry in may 2016… Honestly, I am dying here!!!!!!!!
Please I need help…. Please could someone reply me please
Oct 25, 2016 @ 07:05:07
I am going through the same thing but I am worse I had 3 abortions.
Worst decisions ever contact me please at [email protected]
Nov 24, 2016 @ 03:59:07
May God forgive us..
Feb 08, 2017 @ 05:17:43
It was my first pregnancy. I loved my partner alot even though he cheated. Initially he said he would support me when I told him I was pregnant but said needed a dna test done. However, later on he became abusive in everyway and unavailable physically emotionally and basically in everyway. I was unsure if it was his drug habit or his whore playing the interfering demon. I contacted his brother for help who only added fuel to the fiery situation. I was all alone in a bad place. I hid my pregnancy and approached the family planning who thank God took over the situation and directed me. I was lost. I loved my son wanted my son but could not have my son. No one was with me. I had nothing. It was winter 2013. I went to the scan alone. I saw my baby was told was too early for abortion. I had to carry my baby for two to three more weeks to be booked into next available booking at the clinic. Thankfully it was a government funded clinic. My best friends turned up to sit with me. I was nervous and scared and already mourning in my heart. The weeks of interviews with the nurse, the social worker and the doctors were playing out in my head. Convincing them this was what I truly wanted when it was anything but the truth. As I lay on the surgical table I could not stop crying and sobbing loudly “I’m Sorry I’m Sorry” non stop. A kindly nurse had offered to hold my hand to support me. When it was over, the doctor asked me if I wanted the remains and to this day I regret saying no. I regret not seeing my son’s face or burying him. But I was ashamed to face my Amir Ali as his father had wanted to name him when he was happy or high I will never know. That day two people died a son and his mother. I miss my Amir Ali and often wonder if he will ever forgive his mother and father. I have forgiven his father. My baby would have turned 4 this year March 2017. I had my abortion around mid day on August 12th 2013. I have left my partner (he became more abusive, his drug use has rocketed and he started cheating on me openly) and am single. I do not know if I will ever find love and get pregnant again but this I know Amir Ali will always be my first child. I know this honestly that abortion was the only door open to me in June 2013 and this has allowed me to forgive myself over time and accept my life. I needed to say all this. The pain never numbs.
Feb 08, 2017 @ 18:59:17
I’m 25 years old. I was with my boyfriend of 37 years of age. I have a son that’s 5 years and he has his daughter 14years. I found out I was pregnant after breaking up with him just a couple days before, we got back together and we were so happy to be having a baby he’s wanted another for years and I’ve wanted another after my son. I’ve had a hard time with my first child and was alone n his father did not help me. I struggled financially. Had no vehicle while his father instead drove me around to get to where I was supposed to go left me to walk long distances with my baby in the hot sun. They weren’t any bus stops close by. He tried to be there as my son got bigger but now is in jail. I said to myself i would never go through that again. Now pregnant and happy but yet so scared because how I was treated with my son. I’m scared of what I would have gone trough with this baby. My unborn baby father started accusing me of cheating which I have not been doing and showing up to my house unannounced and accusing me of blocking his number on my phone. I told him my phone is dead. He keeps arguing with me and stressing me out so much my head hurts. He knows I have high blood pressure and sometimes I loose my sight for a little bit sometimes and I don’t know why. I’ve been to doctors and they all told me differently but I know it usually happens more when I’m stressed so I’ve been controlling the way I handle stress but he was constantly accusing of many things that weren’t true and making arguments out of nothing it forced me to have an abortion yesterday at 2/07/17 at 6 and a 1/2 weeks and I’m regretting it so badly. He begged me not to do it. My two friends who just recently going through difficult relationships as well had abortions a week or two before and I went to them for advice. I’ve been by their side supporting them when they were doing there procedures because I understand their situation and they felt it was best for them and their children that they have already. They told me that I’d feel better and relieved. My friend went with me to the doctor to do the first procedure which was inserting the laminaria if I spelled that correctly and as I waited in that waiting room having so many doubts about it and wanting to run out the doctors office. I asked my friend for the key to my car and told her to tell them I can’t do it she said no she’s not giving me the key because she doesn’t want me to regret leaving there and have an attachment to my babies father who have been stressing me. I then went to the girl at the front desk which is also my unborn babies cousin from the fathers side and told her I want to leave she also knew what I was going through and said to me that she doesn’t want me to go through what I’m going through and if he’s being like that if it was her in my situation that she wouldn’t want to be attached to him if he’s acting that way and she doesn’t want me to cancel the appointment and then when it’s too late I’ll regret no doing it. I went ahead with the first procedure and I told him about it when I reached home. He called me a murder. I felt so badly and wanted to go tell them take this out of me if changed my mind but it was to late and they already said to me prior that morning they don’t suggest I change my mind after they inserted the laminaria. I don’t know why I guess it’s cause my cervix would already open and I would be dilated so that probably can cause difficulty with the pregnancy. So I felt I had to go through with the abortion. I did it an it was so painful n I felt like the life was being sucked out of me. Dyer the procedure I asked the doctor if I could see n I said I only see bloodcloths he said well that’s what it looked like. Feeling so guilty I limped out of the room paid the cashier and went straight home in pain. I fell asleep n then I woke up feeling so bad about what I did because I really wanted my baby. I’m thinking how much I loved my baby and wanted it. I didn’t even know weather to call my baby a boy or girl. I wanted to believe I was having a girl too but it wouldn’t matter boy or girl I love my baby and wanted my baby. I regret doing it and I wish I had the chance to go back and stop myself but I can’t. What’s done is done. I’ve been crying n mourning in bed and haven’t gotten out since not even to drop my son school this morning I don’t feel like I can go on anymore but I know I have to for my son. I feel empty and like my heart is ripped away from me. Asking the lord for forgiveness and hoping that my baby forgives me for what I did to him or her. I love you and I hope to see you in heaven. My sweet little pea! ❤❤️
Feb 15, 2017 @ 18:37:19
Forgive urself ask God n ur Baby to forgive you the pain never ends but it will ease as time goes by. Have faith in God.
I had abortion at the age of 15 the person i tot loved me turned his back on me told me to get rid of my baby coz he aint ready, n he said he was gonna support me but he was never there, he was busy fooling around with ada women i loved him so much dat even after all his done i forgave him. Everything happened so fast i didnt get a chance to decide on my own today im 18 but i still feel guilty about killing my own baby, but doesn’t happen ofte but sometimes it happens.
Sharing my story to people helped me so much n praying to God n i one day wish to stand infront of d audience n share my story n help woman who are dying inside becoz of guilty n also for them to never allow a man to control them.
Apr 05, 2017 @ 01:45:13
Its almost two years now since I killed u on dat bed at de hospital..I will never forget dat dat day…ur dad said he can never manage to have u and me.I felt bad dats y I decided to arbort u.but dats de worst mistake of my life.I wwish I could take back time I could never choose to kill u no matter wthat…..my beloved first child will u pliz forgive ur mother and father.i forgive ur father for what he did.I pray to God everyday for forgiveness.I believe he forgive me and he will give me second chance to have ur siblings. I love u dear…till we meet in Gods glory u will always be my first child
Jun 17, 2017 @ 09:42:34
Thanks, it’s really touching & educative. God bless you!
Dec 08, 2017 @ 21:45:18
I had an abortion on that I can hardly remember. Finally remembering… That I once could of had a child years later is such a a horrible thing. thinking all these years just lonely and in and out of clinics for phycolodgical pain and suffering only knowing I could be sharing my life with my little being happy and joyous having good times. Please share if you’ve had an abortion and tell you friends not to do it. I really regret it and hope and pray for Gods forgiveness to grant me a child to be conceived. I always thought I’d be a wonderful mother. Thanks for listening.
Feb 19, 2018 @ 06:31:36
So moving and true. My first child… my son would’ve been 27 today. The pain never seems to stop. Though I an now married with 2 younger children, it seems like I’m hurting alone… in silence. I believe he would’ve been a boy. I’ve prayed for him, my forgiveness, and the pain to end… but it never does. I admire you all for the strength to share, and I thank you for opening dialogue. All your stories have helped me to see that I’m not alone, and just that realization helps. I pray we meet our children one day…. but in the meanwhile, we keep praying and live lives respectful of our sacrifice.
Apr 30, 2019 @ 11:02:43
I feel so sad when I read through these messages. My case is worse. I had several abortions. I never knew it was souls I was killing. Oh God, have mercy on me and the children. That means I have a lot of children in heaven. Oh God, forgive me please.
Jun 05, 2019 @ 17:53:58
I had an abortion when I was 22. I was in a foreign country as a student on scholarship. I got pregnant when on the first year of my medical studies. I didnt know what to do because they could have sent me back to my country and my bf at that time couldn’t have taken care of me since he was also a student on scholarship. I didn’t think twice. the only option in my head was to abort asap and the guy was on the same side. I did it and felt nothing because to me it was the best solution. I asked for Gods forgiveness, but still I didn’t understand that what I did was so wrong. I even took my friend later to the same doctor to abort. But later after 5 years it came back in my head. I started feeling horrible. I started seeing how bad is what I did and thinking about the baby, how he could have looked like. It was haunting me. I started thinking that all my problems are because the baby didn’t forgive me, because after that I couldn’t find a serious bf. Then I contacted the father of the aborted baby that we should name him/her and pray him/her. He still told me that at that time we had no other choice but to abort. I still feel un-forgiven and feel so bad, but I keep praying for forgiveness. I hope I never do it again. I never imagined myself aborting. I love him/her and I hope we meet one day in heaven.
Jun 27, 2019 @ 20:30:26
I’m a father of 6, but only raised 4. It’s been 10 years now since my wife had her last abortion. We were too selfish, lacked the faith, short sighted that I gave in to my wife’s wishes to abort. Now that our life is better than before, I’m filled with grief of what could have been if we had just kept our children. I know it’s too late for me now to but I know someday we will meet again in heaven. I know that my children are now with the Lord, but I would like to ask for forgiveness for allowing them be killed because I was weak, selfish, insecure about our future. I know how painful it must have been what they did to them and I shall forever suffer the pain with them until I die. As I provide for my children now, I still wonder what they would have looked like and what their gender would have been. I know this punishment for my bad deeds, but I’m committed to helping those that might be thinking of abortion, and to tell them DON’T. The effects that are painful, that I wouldn’t wish my feelings on anyone. I wish and pray that I see my children in my dreams and to join them soon. I pray to God to show me glimpse of them in my dreams. I wish my earthly father is with them and playing with them. Oh how I pray and wish that this is happening right now. There are days that I want to just join them. It would be too selfish since I have 4 other children that need me. My babies please forgive me and that you will forever live in my heart and soul. You are never forgotten. I will always pray about you. Love you for eternity. We shall meet again someday and I’m happy to leave this life to join you in paradise. I Love You. Daddy