Until we meet face to face…..
Author: Brenda Baby Name: Bekah Eve Birth Date: 10/04/92 Abortion Date: 3/19/92
Until we meet face to face, I’m here on earth thinking of you hour by hour, day by day. Oh little one I love you so much. I always did even from the moment I learned I was carrying you. I shielded you as long as I could. A parents love is often hard to understand. Every parent wants the very best for their child.
My parents convinced me wrongly. They loved me and wanted the best for me. I was but 18, in love with your Daddy, high on life, ready to graduate and tackle the world. Then the world crashed down on us. I don’t remember all of the conversations word by word but I know without a doubt we loved you and wanted to meet you.
My plan was to give you up for adoption. My mom and dad said they knew me to well, I wouldn’t give you up. I’d keep you and live alone in poverty forever. I wanted more for both of us. For all 3 of us. In a split decision, I made a very bad decision that would haunt me for the rest of my life. I believed the lie that “everything” would be ok.
Reality was you were now gone, your Dad was gone, and I was alone. I searched for you in every possible place. You were only screaming in my dreams. I couldn’t reach you. I wanted desperately to find you and hold you. It’s a nightmare dreaming of you like that.
Then years later, I held your brother and sobbed brokenly alone that night in the hospital. Here I held this beautiful child and I was weeping over the one I killed. I knew from that day I had to find forgiveness so I could meet you face to face one day. So began my journey back to you.
I found God. He alone can heal and forgive. I’m forgiven and set free. The rest of the story is you have 3 beautiful brothers here on earth. 2 from me and one from your Dad. We reconnected as friends. We talk of you often. We are both very much looking forward to the day when we can hold you and love on you like a parent should.
For years I see you every day I work in the children I see born. See, I’m a labor and delivery nurse. I needed to help bring forth life. I’ve searched and searched but still am not content. Baby Girl I’m still fighting here on earth and won’t give up. I need to avenge a life for yours. I’m going to adopt a little one but she or he will never replace you. But I will give a loving home to one. I hope you know how much we love you. If I could go back to that one moment in time little one, I would keep you safe.
Please forgive me for forsaking you.
Your Daddy and I named you Bekah Eve. Bekah means “a tie that binds”. We’re tied to you forever. I sit here today and close my eyes. I’m holding you skin to skin on my chest. Running my hand over your sweet head drinking in the very beautiful sight of you. Your beautiful smell and soft innocent pink warm skin, your downy soft blond hair, your dark little eyelashes. I see your baby blue eyes. You hold my heart in your hand. I love you Bekah. Till we meet face to face baby girl.