My Baby

Author: Anonymous
Birth Date: Sept. 1986
Abortion Date: March 12th 1986

34 years later and I think of you so often. When I learned I was pregnant with you I was numb. Your older brother and sister were planned for and I had been so excited. I knew exactly the day you were conceived, and it had been my fault we didn’t use protection. I tried to get excited about having you., I could easily have been able to afford you and you would have had the best of everything, with or without your father. I was angry with the doctor when he congratulated me on your pending birth. I remember screaming at him I didn’t want you, and he needed to tell me where to go to be rid of you. The abortion clinic told me I had to wait til 12 weeks, that was 3 whole months. Now when I think about it I was already a 1/3 of the way through my pregnancy. Later I found out they wanted me to wait so they could harvest your tiny body. Your dad and I went to Hawaii to talk about what we should do. He wanted to keep you and we were already engaged and we would just move everything up. At that moment in time I hated him, I hated you and I especially hated myself. Back then they didn’t do an ultra sound before the procedure. I wish they would have, I have no doubt in my mind I would have loved you. Right after I killed you they asked me if I wanted to see you and I said no and started getting dressed, They asked if I wanted to know your sex, and I refused to look. That was the worst day of my life. I miss you, I think if you were a girl your older sister and you would be so close. If you were a boy your older brother would have shown you how to play hockey. and karate. I was selfish and I don’t ever deserve to be completely happy. My thoughts afterward were I wonder if when you woke that morning and were growing so strong if you had any idea of what my plans were for that day. Lord please forgive me. I got pregnant the following year and decided this was going to be my redemption, just a couple of months later I lost that baby, but I knew that was my punishment. Only a few people ever knew what I did, this was my loss and no one else’s. I love you baby and I pray we will be together again some day. Love you my precious–Mommy