My Lil Bean
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: If you were a… Girl- Aubriella Reign Boy- Rhett Edwin Birth Date: Washington hospital Abortion Date: May 8th 2021
To my little bean, you weren’t planned at all. I was on birth control the hospital failed to ask me if I was on birth control when prescribing me antibiotics and I didn’t know that they would cancel out my birth control. I was lucky enough to find out you existed around 4 weeks and immediately stopped taking them, however, there were many other health concerns as you made mommy very sick at 7 weeks. I had to go on medical leave from work and I threw up every day for 2 and a half weeks. When I first told your grandma, I told her via a letter while I sat on the bathroom floor balling as she read it. I stated abortion wasn’t an option she was mad. Fast forward to the first night you made mommy sick, I texted her in hopes she’d come to my room and help in any way she could, but she didn’t respond.It wasn’t until I got sent home early from work and she, your daddy, and I had a conversation in which she repeatedly told me to get an abortion. She told me that she purposely ignored me because she was mad at me.
Fast forward to 2 weeks of non-stop throwing up, I was severely dehydrated and so weak I had to crawl up the steps and beg her to take me to the hospital at 1 am. That was the very first time I saw you.
You were so little they had to use the internal ultrasound tool to be able to get a good look at you. I cried when she showed me the yolk sac and pointed out your little body!! I was so happy and couldn’t wait for you to get bigger so I could know if you were a boy or a girl. Your grandma had to leave so she could get ready for work and she asked if mommy wanted to keep the pictures. I said “yes”. She asked if I was sure. I said “yes” again. She said, “I’m gonna take them until you feel better.” I still haven’t gotten them.
I had to have an emergency OB appointment and threw up the entire ride there and in the room. Our doctor looked at grandma and said I’m admitting her to the hospital, leave here and go straight to the hospital. So we did and I got better that night as I had nausea meds in my system, and remained better. But I let grandma convince me Into getting the abortion.
She rubbed in my face that all her co-worker’s daughters who were my age just bought a brand new car or house with their boyfriend. I let her convince me that the diagnosis of hyperemesis meant it was high risk and I could die even though that’s not at all what it was. So on May 8th of 2021, I got one last good look at you before I allowed the doctors to rip you from my body and I regret it so bad.
I cried myself to sleep for 2 nights in a row and I continue to wonder what you were and who you would’ve looked like and how far you were going to go in life. I’m so sorry I took your life away from you. I’m sorry I chose my toxic abusive mom over my innocent little angel! You deserved to grow and become someone amazing. I was prepared to give you the life I never had, and yes, it would’ve been hard being a 20-year-old mom with no license or car as well as your daddy, but we were prepared to try our hardest for you.
Mommy is in college working on getting her bachelor’s in psychology. I know you’re in heaven with your daddy’s dad, mommy’s grandparents, best friend who died sophomore year, and your older sibling whom mommy miscarried at 17. I know your gonna be okay. But mommy and daddy miss you so much and we’re never going to forget you. And one day you can handpick a sibling for yourself to send to mommy and daddy on earth from heaven. Mommy’s making a memorial box for you tonight with all the positive test and your last picture I love you
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Jul 21, 2021 @ 14:53:48
So sorry you went through this . I’m praying for all of you on this post. Reading this felt like my heart was literally breaking.
Please know God will forgive you if you r. He knows your heart. Please share your story with others how you feel now after the abortion. You will be helping a lot of others from making the same mistake. Please be strong and don’t worry about being judged. God is the only one who can judge us. This can probably help you heal from the nightmare you suffered through
Jul 21, 2021 @ 22:10:01
I am so sorry! You have experienced a terrible trauma, and you should seek counseling, preferably Christian counseling, to help you deal with this. It is so very sad that a mother would encourage her daughter to have an abortion. I am so sorry you had to go through this ordeal, and I will pray for your healing and comfort. I believe God knows your heart, and that you did not want to do this, and He can comfort you and forgive you. Jesus loves you and your precious baby.
Jul 22, 2021 @ 11:38:31
I pray for your guilt and shame to be washed away. Ask the lord Jesus into your life, ask him to take this from you. He takes what the enemy meant for evil and turns it for good. I’m so so sorry for the hurt and pain you are going through. You are loved,so loved, despite it all.
Sep 18, 2021 @ 16:45:12
I’m so sorry for your pain. I am crying and aching with you. God forgives you and loves you! Jesus holds the little ones in His arms. You will see your baby one day. Only believe in Him.