My story and to my little baby

Author: My First Name
Birth Date: 7-23-21
Abortion Date: 2-1-21

My story started January 15th when I went to the doctor for some pain I’ve been feeling for years and decided to check it out since it was more consistent than usual. I peed in the cup like you’d usually do, 10 minutes went by and the partitioner came back into the room and told me I had a positive pregnancy test. I was in complete shock. And everything she told me after that didn’t process in my head at all, when I tried to talk to her my voice cracked because I was fighting back tears. I didn’t know how to feel. I’ve known since I was a teenager (I’m 23) that I will not have a baby until I am ready. So me and him agreed months ago if I were to get pregnant that I would have an abortion. After I got home I immediately called him and told him and then called Planned Parenthood to made an appointment. That coming Wednesday we went to my OBGYN appointment to see how far along I was. 13 weeks and 5 days. We saw the baby and heard the heart beat. It was unreal, nothing felt real. We were shocked on how far I was. 2 weeks later (1 week ago today) I went to the clinic to have the abortion.
To my little baby. I would give so much to have been ready. I am sorry for you and myself that becoming a mom was not in my book until I know I would be ready. I wanted to and still wish I was ready now, I with me and your dad would have been ready now. I don’t want to struggle like I did growing up. When I first saw you, you took my breath away from how much I was able I see. Your heart beat was amazing. I was scared to see you and I was scared to hear it, but I was also in some ways excited. I have your first pictures I’ll keep with me forever, and you will always be in my heart. You made me excited to become a mom in the future. For the first week of knowing you my body grew and changed following the second week. I also don’t want to give up my body and I want to love myself first. It might sound selfish to some but I understand myself. I wish you could still be in my tummy sometimes, I miss protecting my stomach, I miss feeling my stomach, and I miss feeling the small small flutters you gave me, and I can not wait until I get to be happy again. You are my first pregnancy that was short lived when I found out but my favorite experience. I cannot wait until I get to experience everything when I am ready.