Northern Lights I still think of you my son. -Update

Author: My First Name
Baby Name: Northern Lights nicknamed after the Rippingtons song.
Birth Date: 2016
Abortion Date: sometime in July 2015

I have already posted about you but need to say more once again. Years have passed and I still cry thinking of you my son Northern Lights. you’re the wound in my heart that never seals. You’re the secret wound in my heart that will always be open and raw bleeding. I am so sorry how I took those pills I had no idea how far along We were in that Journey called pregnancy. (14 weeks you had hands and fingers, way bigger than I thought you were.)
I am so sorry when I buried you with that rose in the pot of soil I didn’t think of there being any worms in the ground near your pot. I am traumatized. God I didn’t need to see that when I went to go see your small pot-sized burial. I wish I had at least kept your fibula leg bone as a memory after I washed your body. Where did your bone go. I would have loved to keep that last bit of you as my Last physical memory. My heart is Broken. My heart is so broken.

…My dear son I want to tell you-you have either a brother or sister now and she has surpassed you in age, (25 weeks) and I will keep your sibling in Your Honor. and that I am so very sorry, because you were supposed to be the Eldest son. I love you sweetheart. We could have been great. I’m sorry again I didn’t have the resources at the time, or the right circumstances. I felt at the time it was the best thing to do since we couldn’t provide you with a good life but that doesn’t make it ok. I wish there was something I could say that would make it better. But nothing will, will it. Wherever you are god I beg you please send my son all my love and tell him I am so very sorry. god it hurts. This new baby on the way can’t replace that one. Also please send my kisses to your long-lost siblings the twins. Your dad has a wound in his heart when he lost his brother due to suicide by a train recently. I hope your new living sibling might heal your dad’s wound, but I know at least my wound from losing you will never heal. hugs sweetheart I am so sorry. I could see us both playing the synth –the apple never falls far from the tree. I dream that kind fantasy and weep with pain. I feel like my lungs are punched in with pure sorrow. I hope you’re truly in a better place than earth I don’t like it here much. I should be up there with you but I have to fulfill my earthly missions first so I never return as a reincarnate. I can’t wait to be joined with you hopefully it’s true what they say that you’re there and we can meet. I love you. infinite kisses and a big warm hug ,your mom k_y_r_a_m.