Susanna I cry for you
Author: Anonymous Baby Name: Susanna
Dear Susanna, I was 13 when I became pregnant with you. I was terrified not of being pregnant but of telling my parents. I remember riding my bike after being dropped off by a 30 year old who bought me the rest who also had sex with me. When my parents found out my mom was a wreck and my father was surprisingly supportive. My parents took me to have an abortion. After all these years I still try to call it a forced miscarriage or something that doesn’t sound as bad as abortion but that’s what it was. I remember driving up with my parents, I really had no idea what was going on I was a stupid kid. All I could think about was getting spaghetti and Bob Evans afterwords. I remember how deep is your love playing on the radio. I remember the men and women crying to God with their rosaries as we walked past. I can still see their faces. Susanna, my mom has since passed and not only do I feel responsible for her death for thinking I caused her stress which caused her cancer, I also regret not saying I wanted to keep you. I did want to keep you but I never said it. I really didn’t fathom what was happening. By that time I had been with quite a few men I wasn’t even sure who the father was. That day was the worst day of my life. I think of you all the time. You would be 20 years old now and I believe you would have been a beautiful daughter and my best friend. I cry for you all the time i.wish I would kept you. You deserved to live even if it was my life or yours. You should have been born. You were my baby that I still love so much I wish you were here. If you have a child who gets pregnant very young please sit with them and talk to them. Teach them about sex as I knew nothing. I would give anything to have my baby right now. If I died during the process then so be it. Mom I know you did your best or what you felt was right but I also feel you were embarrassed for you 13 year old to have a kid as you liked to keep up appearances. Mom I forgive you. I know y9u never forgave yourself. Please forgive yourself. I will never forgive myself for losing you Susanna. I would have dressed you in ribbon and bows. I would have painted your room with elephants. I would have maybe blessed another family with a child. Who knows. I love you Susanna. Losing you was the worst thing that ever happened to me. 20 years of therapy and onto 20 more. Susanna you deserved to live. I am so sorry please forgive me. I think of you all the time. You were my reason. I love you Susanna .
Apr 09, 2015 @ 22:55:57
Dear Mom of Susanna,
She has forgiven you an been in Jesus’ care since the day you let her go. I let my child go on March 2, 1979.She stayed hidden from my consciousness until 19 years later. Then the depression overwhelmed me. Regular counseling didn’t help me. Neither the counselors or I made the connection of my abortion to the deep grief and depression I carried all those years. Healing began to come when I went through a post abortion recovery Bible study called, Her Choice to Heal. Listening to other women’s stories also helped because then I knew that I wasn’t alone in my personal agony. There’s another one entitled, FORGIVEN AND SET FREE. Here is a poem that the Lord gave to me to write. It’s written from the standpoint of my child. It’s called:
BABY LOVE, CHILD’S LOVE
Don’t cry for me. I’m here with Jesus,
Safe in His love.
Just wait “til you get here and see what’s above.
The sparkle of diamonds, the glitter of gold,
The face of my Jesus, I daily behold.
I’m never sad – I never cry.
I never ask my Jesus,
P. Parr March 15, 2000
March 2, 1979