To my baby bean
Author: My First Name Baby Name: Bean Birth Date: 09/04/2020 Abortion Date: 03/11/2020
In the short time I carried you, I knew I had a difficult decision to make. I never felt alone when I had you and it was sometimes comforting. I feel really alone now, like there’s an emptiness that wasn’t there before. I feel emptiness and I feel anger at myself and my partner for not being prepared for you to come into my life. If I’d have made some better choices in the last year then maybe things would have been different. I blame myself for that. I also feel angry at your dad for not wanting a family with me right now or probably ever, but I knew deep down it wasn’t our time as well. I fought with the difficult decision for a while & prolonged it as much as I could. I knew though that I am not mentally ready. Sometimes it’s hard for me to be honest with myself about how bad my mental illness is. I have to get better so that I can be the best mom I can be when the time comes. I hope that didnt cause you any more suffering than you experienced, being in the second trimester. I miss feeling you in my tummy. I hope some day that our souls can reconnect. I hope you’re in a better place my sweet baby. I’ll never forget you.