To my first child

Author: Anonymous
Baby Name: Baby M
Birth Date: unknown
Abortion Date: August 1976

I was in a religious group when I found out about you. I loved your daddy, he didn’t love me. According to the Way International it was all my fault. He shared no responsibility. I was young, afraid and had no support, and my family of believer’s stepped aside. I am so sorry, I let you and myself down. I let God down too.

I let them and fear drive me towards an abortion, I remember that day so clearly. We both went in, spoke for a few minutes to a counselor and then into the room. Your Daddy left for awhile, I was scared, crying for me and for you. It hurt, and in some ways I felt I deserved the pain. This was before much information was out about what would happen to you. In those days it was clinical. I got so worked up they said if I didn’t calm down they would have to do the procedure in the hospital.

Your Dad didn’t show up for awhile, so a nurse held my hand as I cried. I think I wanted to stop it, but was afraid…I think they knew it too, even though the doctor was brusque with me. Baby M, I hope you can forgive me for being scared, and not strong enough to stand up for us both. I am so very sorry. I left the group and a couple of years later I was pregnant again..again the Dad wasn’t interested…this time I chose life. Because of you baby M, I knew the right thing to do. I have asked God’s forgiveness, and now yours…I love you, I always did, and I should of chose you.