my twin babies

Author: Amy
Baby Name: Ariana and Athena
Birth Date: 08/2003
Abortion Date: 2/2003

i was 24, 2 years after having my first abortion that drove me crazy. i thought i met the man i was going to marry. i had 2 other kids who he treated great and loved, and they loved him too. i was living with my grandparents and i found out i was pregnant with twins! i was so excited! and so was he! my mom laughed at me of course finding it hilarious. but one day he started going crazy. he started drinking a lot and tried to hit me once. i looked at my life and realized i didn’t really love him and i didn’t want that kind of person around my kids. he left and i couldn’t even get ahold of him. well i begged my grandmother to let me live there with my babies and she said no. i had nowhere to go. i wasn’t getting paid well at my job and couldn’t find another so once again i found myself laying on that table counting backwards from 10. when i woke up i had a fever and had to stay longer. i had to call a cab because i had no one to pick me up. i was all alone. when i got home my grandmother watched my 2 other kids so i could sleep. i laid in bed and cried. i just killed my innocent baby 3 years before that and now i had done the same to my twins. i had already named them and thought they were girls. now its 9 years later and every time i see twin girls i still break down and cry. i tell myself that i had no options. i try and pray to god for forgiveness, but i still cant forgive myself. why should i? i hurt and killed 3 babies! why would god forgive me? and how can i forgive myself for killing 3 innocent babies? i don’t deserve forgiveness. i feel like all the pain i go through, i deserve for hurting my babies. now 9 years later i am married to a great guy and we have 2 children together (4 total for me). he would never ask me for an abortion and i would never do it again. i can say i was young and dumb, but my decisions i will have to live with forever. i always wonder if they were girls or boys. what would they have looked like? would they have my hair or eyes? they trusted their mother to keep them safe, but the one person they trusted hurt them and killed them. im still depressed to this day. i will never get over it. i took my babies lives away and i don’t think i could ever forgive myself. i have to live for the kids i have now, but i can only hope that i go to heaven to see them one day. i hope they get rid of abortion. not only does it hurt babies and kill them, but it scars people forever. i will never forget my 3 innocent babies that i should have held and loved.