I want to go back!!!!!
my sweet lost baby….you are lost because I made a very bad decision to abort you…I was 18 had just had a baby that had coartation of the aorta of her heart..she had open heart surgery at 2 weeks old… not even 1 yr later I found out I was pregnant with you…I was terrified..married but husband had *other * things on his mind…it did not include his family…I was sooooo alone I had no one as my hus,,,had separated me from my family as a way to control me…I had no food my mom was buying us groceries…I waited I didn’t know what to do…and I waited… I was small so you didn’t show.. noone knew but my hus.i wanted to adopt you out but that was not a possibility due to my current hus…..I found an abortion clinic you were almost 6 months old b4 I truly decided what I was going to do…to this day.. im 42 now ive thought about you every single day” I remember the room… I remember everything about that day it has never left my mind.. idk how they did it I didn’t want to know… but after it was over I went on with my life….I was busy I had 3 more kids I thought about you a lot but didn’t dwell on you because I was busy and then something happened..my kids grew up..i wasn’t as busy anymore you were all I thought about..i tortured myself by looking up ways they aborted you..i started drinking a lot..i hated myself I still do at times….I wonder if God can forgive a murderer? that’s what I am…I have no forgiveness for me I deserve the feelings that I feel …I condemn myself every single day….these feelings didn’t hit me till later in my life….sometimes I wish I was dead…I feel that’s what I deserve…I killed you so I shouldn’t be alive…the pain….guilt…shame..overwhelmed me…if you are considering abortion I beg you DONT..there are other ways to get help….you will NEVER forgive yourself I haven’t and my baby would be about 23……its a horrible thing to decide to do…..you don’t get over it….EVER!!!! I still struggle with alcohol..guilt shame….then I wonder where did they put you?they probly threw u away like a piece of trash…God help me and have mercy on my soul….I will not get over what I chose..it was wrong I wish I could go back but cant..ive cried many tears over you my sweet baby but one thing that makes me feel a little better is by Gods grace I finally feel forgiven…what I did too you is unforgivable……but I hope God will forgive me and I know you are in Heaven with Jesus…..don’t have an abortion it eats you from the inside out and it will if not right away destroy your life….you don’t get *over* it…you live with it every single day…I love you my sweet baby … I did wrong when I decided to abort you ..I know you felt pain as they tore you apart inside my womb…I love you and im sooooooo sorry that I chose death over life…..I love you my sweet baby! im soooo sorry!