I was wrong.

Author: Lynn
Baby Name: Chris
Birth Date: May 1977
Abortion Date: December 1976

To my baby Chris. I don’t know if you are a girl or a boy, so I’ve decided to name you “Chris” because when I was a young girl I dreamed of having 2 children and wanted to name them Christina and Christopher. I want to tell you little baby Chris, how I wish I had never made that fatal decision to end your life here on earth before you had a chance to be my daughter or son, or to be someone’s sister or brother, someone’s Granddaughter or Grandson, or possibly someone’s Mommy or Daddy.

The words I’m sorry just don’t seem to be strong enough words to say to you, but I am very, very sorry. I hope you didn’t feel any pain, but I think you may have and I know the Lord was there taking you through that. It was a decision I have lived with in agony for 37 years now (that’s how old you would have been). That decision made me a sick woman for many years until our Lord forgave me and I was able to mourn for you and to know that I was forgiven and that you are with Him and I will see you when I am done here. I can’t wait to hold you in my arms and kiss you and tell you all the things I would have if I had chosen to give you life. I was so young at 16 and didn’t even understand what I was really doing to you. You weren’t a person to me at that time, you were just a “problem” for me and my selfishness. I was so insecure and easily led astray, that once the choice to have an abortion was presented to me, I wanted to do it. My first thoughts were to have you and give you up for adoption, but taking the easy way (I thought), seemed to be the best thing for me. I didn’t think of you when I was making that decision.

I don’t know why, but I didn’t.

I was date raped and had a different boyfriend and was so afraid and ashamed of what had happened, that I couldn’t envision telling anyone the truth at the time. I so much craved the Love of others and was afraid I would lose that Love if I told the truth and kept you! I wish I could stop and go back into time and give birth to you; have you in my life and give you the love I wanted to.

I’m sorry baby Chris. I pray to see you some day and hold you in my arms or just give you the Love that my Lord and Savior Jesus has been so gracious to give to me even after He knows what a horrendous thing I did to you, and what a sinner I am. I know until I see you, He is keeping you safe and loving you, and I trust Him and know He has a plan for my life until He takes me home or comes back to Earth to rule. I love you. I will cherish the thought of being with you when I get Home. Your Mamma.